He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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