and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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