so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
