my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
