Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
