wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
