We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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