I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
