im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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