i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize