I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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