i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
