Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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