i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
