he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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