Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
