I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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