WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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