Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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