3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
