I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
