I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize