Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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