Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
