God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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