but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
