I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
