Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
