Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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