im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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