Define "chronic" masturbator.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
