True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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