While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
