just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
