Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
