I hate your face
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
