I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
