just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
