FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
