Swine flu. Run for my life!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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