it was like his penis was on wheels.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
