If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
