You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
