I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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