So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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