:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
