I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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