Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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