I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize