I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
