he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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