I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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