who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
