Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
