It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
