Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
