Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
