Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
