She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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