Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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