Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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