This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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