ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
