I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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