I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just gargled with NyQuil
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
