Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
