dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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