He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
